Pink for a Purpose

I’ve always enjoyed being just a little bit edgy. I’m the one in my family who had orange hair that was cut asymmetrically back in high school. Now, the orange part was on accident. Still, I had it.

I love big jewelry and boots that stand out. And everyone who knows me knows that I am anything but quiet and in the background. I want to be in the limelight. I crave attention.

And yet, when I’m at work, I dress conservatively, I am soft spoken, and I try to be as anti-edgy as possible. Because even though I love to make a statement, work is typically not the place to do so.

Thus, since I’ve reached adulthood, I have always been conscious of doing anything even semi-permanent to my body for fear of looking inappropriate at work. I would never triple pierce my ears or spike my hair or even don a fake tattoo. I work hard at keeping my professional persona very mainstream.

Yesterday I was at the salon getting my roots touched up (okay, yes, I have grey hairs) when I began noticing that all of the employees had streaks of pink in their hair. At first, I thought it was some new fad from which I needed to stay away. Then, I saw the signs that advertised going pink to help breast cancer. Every time a customer had a pink hair extension put in, the salon would donate the proceeds to the Susan G. Koman Foundation. Suddenly it hit me! This was a chance for me to be edgy and feel okay about it, even at work! I could go pink for a purpose and people would actually think it was acceptable because I was doing it to help others!

The more I thought about the whole endeavor, the more I realized that this could also be a chance for my daughters and me to do something together that was both fun and worthwhile. So, later that day, , I brought my girls to the salon and each of us had one pink streak put in our hair. On the drive home, each of us felt just a little bit chic with our new-found color. And, we felt great about the important donation we had just made.

Today at both work and school, the comments the three of us received were incredible. In fact, many people we spoke with are now planning on getting a pink streak themselves.

Hopefully breast cancer awareness and donations will continue to multiply quickly so that soon, there will be a cure, or even a prevention for this deadly disease. If my pink streak can prompt even one person to make a donation, then my pink really has fulfilled its purpose.

For now, my daughters and I are enjoying being just a little bit edgy. In fact, I think the matching streaks are bringing us even closer together. I suppose the pink has actually had more than one really important purpose!

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

The Toughest Questions Losing a loved one is hard, no matter your age

Sometimes denial is a good thing.

And sometimes our kids ask questions that are way too tough.
Recently, one of my dearest friends lost her mother-in-law. It was expected, but it was still really terrible, as death always is. Not only was this woman a mother-in-law, she was also a sister, a mother and a grandma. Therefore, many people were saddened by this tragedy, including my daughter’s best friend, who now found herself without a grandmother.

My daughter Hannah was really affected by her friend’s loss. She called her friend many times to check on her and kept asking me what she could do to help. I was quite proud of Hannah for being so caring and compassionate.

Death is something that is extremely difficult to explain to kids. I find it particularly hard since I don’t have all the answers. I guess the truth is, that by the time any of us have the answers, it will be too late to pass them on. Thus, because there is so much unknown, death is extremely scary, particularly for children.
As I was preparing to go to the funeral last week, Hannah began talking freely about how sad she was for her friend.

“Is this going to happen to me?” Hannah asked hesitantly.

“No! Of course not!” I answered, surprised.

“You aren’t sick, honey,” I reassured my daughter. “You aren’t going to die until you’re really old.”

“No,” Hannah replied sadly. “Are my grandparents going to die?”

Like I said, sometimes denial is a good thing.

“No, they aren’t,” I said quickly. And I tried to tell myself that I was speaking the truth.

I’m sure Hannah didn’t believe me. But really, that was the answer we both needed to hear at that moment. I simply can’t imagine life without any of the people in my family. And I’m quite certain my girls feel the same way. And yet, when bad things happen to others, it reminds us of what we may have to face someday down the road.

I’m usually very honest with my children because I believe that if they’re old enough to ask a question, then they are old enough to know the answer. Yet, in this case, I’m not even old enough to face the truth. I simply do not want to admit that someday there will be people missing from my world. And so, I will not even think about it –– at least for now.

On a daily basis, I remind my daughters that I am always there if they need to talk and that they can always ask me anything. Fortunately, they do come to me frequently with questions I’m sure many kids would never even ask their parents. Thus, I am confident that questions about death will come up again in my home from time to time. I want to be open and honest with my children. But there are times, like now, where I can’t even be open and honest with myself.

I guess I need to work on that.

So, for the moment, I will simply concentrate on being there for my friend and her family. And I will continue to spend time with the people I care about the most, loving, laughing and living my life to its fullest.

After all, isn’t that what life is supposed to be all about?

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

Mommy Multi-Tasking

I woke up this morning bright and early at 6am. I stumbled out of bed, tripped over one of our three dogs on my way to the kitchen and started making breakfast with my eyes half open. After I took my puppy outside, fed all three canines, dumped fresh water on the two toads (yeah…...if you read my last blog, we have now acquired a friend for Hoppers!) and woke up my two sleeping beauties, I made two school lunches. Of course, ten minutes later, my eight year old informed me that she had a bad headache and was too sick to go to school. So, after refrigerating her freshly prepared lunch box and calling my parents to see if they could keep her for the day, I handed her a motrin, put her back in bed and reminded myself that I still needed to get ready for work.

As I tried to make my way to the shower, I was stopped by someone screaming “Mommy!” which turned out to be my ten year old having an outfit dilemma. I promptly solved her problem, went to kiss my whining younger daughter, and tried to finally make it into the shower. Yet, half way there I was diverted by a puppy with a ball in her mouth. So, I threw it a few times, prayed that she would quickly tire out, and then ran to the bathroom before anyone else could yell my name.

After I dropped one child off at school and another at her grandparent’s house, I turned my vehicle in the direction of my office. Part way there, I received a call from the Honda dealer, telling me that my van required hundreds of dollars in repairs to fix a dashboard light that had been flashing. This was, of course, the day after I had picked my car up from the body shop where they repaired the damage caused by a woman who accidentally hit me a few weeks back.

Eventually, I made it to my office, where seeing patients felt like a reprieve from all the chaos that had been going on all morning. During the ensuing hours, I received a call from my youngest daughter tell me she’s lost a tooth, a call from the car dealer telling me my van was ready, and a call from the sprinkler people asking why we weren’t home when their guy was in my driveway…………

Later, my husband stopped by my office to give me his car and pick up the rental car I’d been driving for the past week so he could return it to Enterprise and then get my van for me. Then, between patients, I placed a call to one of the hospitals in town informing them that I can not attend the 7 am meeting they say I need to go to because I am a mom with a husband who leaves early for work and I need to be home to get my kids to school.

My day has been one moment of craziness after the next and we haven’t even gotten to after school activities yet!

So, when people ask me why I go to bed at 8:30 every night or why I have a habit of dozing off in the middle of movies, I guess all I need to do is show them the paragraphs I just wrote. Being a wife and mom is wonderful and incredible. But it’s also really tough at times. And what’s hardest for working moms like myself is finding a way to balance it all.

I once heard someone refer to situations like mine as “Mommy Madness.” However, I’d prefer to think of it as “Mommy Multi-Tasking.” I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I’m not even fazed by the day to day commotion that I call my life. I wake up each day knowing that I will have many challenges to deal with in the coming hours and I try and find a way to handle them and remain upbeat.

Being a mommy is certainly an adventure; one that, despite the nuttiness, I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

Adventures of the Froggy Mamma Vermont household expands to include plenty of nonhuman family members

When I was little, I had a dog.

Actually, I had two puppies but never at the same time. My father was adamant that we were a one-pet family, and so it wasn’t until my first canine sister passed away at the ripe old age of 16 that I got my second doggie.

When I became an adult, I decided I would never be without a pet. So, it was quite natural that my husband and I, once we both were out of school and earning regular paychecks, decided to bring a dog into our home.

Still, I was a bit nervous when, the very next day, we went back to buy our new dog’s sister so she would always have company. I’d been raised to think that one house equaled one pet. Yet, quickly, I got used to the presence of two dogs and grew to love them.

Years passed, and we had our two daughters. Our dogs, by this time, were an integral part of our family. The kids and the dogs played together well, and life was basically harmonious. As my children grew, however, they began asking for “their own” pets, something they could keep in their rooms and call theirs.

That’s how the fish became a part of the Vermont household.

We bought each child a Beta fish, each living in a tank in one of my girls’ bedrooms. And although several fish have gone to aquatic heaven over time, my children have continued to enjoy their little tanks.

Then, this past Valentine’s Day, my husband and I made the decision to bring a puppy into our lives. I had wanted a little fluffball to hold and love, and even though it meant that we would have three dogs in the house, the time seemed right.

And so we took that leap.

Our friends called us crazy. After all, we already had fish and two older dogs. What in the world made us think we needed a puppy? I’ll admit that it was a bit scary, turning our stable world upside down with the addition of a chewing, pooping, barking furry creature. Still, we did it. And at that moment, I felt our household was finally complete.

Then, the seasons changed to late summer. And, as happens every year about this time, toads began making their homes in our back yard. Every night my daughter Jordyn would go outside and play with this one particular toad. She would hold it and kiss it (I told her to stop this immediately!) and she believed they were friends. The toad seemed to bond to her as it let her hold it and pet it, never appearing frightened or angry. Every evening Jordyn would come inside and ask if she could keep the toad. And every evening I would adamantly say, “No!”

That is, until a few nights ago. After Jordyn had asked to keep the frog for the millionth time, I began thinking about my reasons for refusing to let her have it. Sure, I’d been raised to believe we were a one-pet family. But clearly, I’d dispelled that myth years before. And, more importantly, keeping a toad in her room would be an incredible learning experience for all of us.

Thus, after researching toads on the Internet and talking with people at the local pet store, I finally agreed to let my child have her toad. We bought an aquarium, mulch and a water bowl and even a dozen crickets for the toad’s dinner. We found the toad hopping around our yard that night and brought him inside to his new luxurious accommodations. Over the past few days, he’s bathed, eaten, explored and rested as Jordyn and I looked on curiously. I’ve stopped by the pet store on my way home a few times to get more crickets, and I’ve even learned to put them in the tank without feeling disgusted.

I’ve got dogs and fish, and now, I’m a froggy mamma. It’s a regular zoo at our house, I suppose.

I’ve learned in my life to never say never. After all, I wouldn’t have ever guessed that we’d open our house and our hearts to a brown, bumpy amphibian. Yet we have, and we’re all better for it.

My life is and will always be a never-ending journey with surprises along the way. I just need to keep reminding myself to always enjoy the ride!

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

My Unpredictable Life After parking lot incident, what’s next?

Life, of course, will never be predictable. Just when I think I’ve gotten things organized and under control, something or someone always comes along and throws a wrench in my plans. Luckily, I’m learning (albeit sometimes the hard way) to be flexible.

A few days ago, I picked up my daughter Jordyn from her Girl Scouts meeting at school. Chatting with the other moms, I was fairly oblivious to everything going on around me. Yet, I was forced back to my surroundings as a friend walked up to me, asking, “Isn’t that your minivan over there?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” I responded nonchalantly. “And I just had it cleaned for the first time in forever!”

“Oh,” the woman replied hesitantly. “Well, someone just backed their SUV into it. And she’s over there waiting for you.”

Thank goodness I’ve learned to be adaptable.

I walked over to my van and was face to face with a very distraught mother (of one of Jordyn’s friends, no less), who began profusely apologizing. Apparently her week had been very stressful, and her boss had just screamed at her. And now, in a moment of haziness, she had backed her (basically brand new) vehicle into the front of my Honda Odyssey. She told me that she was usually such a careful driver. She looked close to tears.

Truth be told, I wasn’t at all upset about my car. Actually, I’d been hoping someone would hit the back end of my van so I could get some dings fixed that I’d caused last year! Unfortunately, this lady hit the wrong end! So, I guess it looks like I’m going to have to pay for the rear bumper myself. But, she was insured, and I knew things would work out. After all, it was only a car, and no one was injured.

After exchanging our information, the other mom and I parted ways. But I kept thinking about how upset she’d been, and I felt terrible. So, on impulse, I ran to Starbucks and bought her a small gift card, figuring a cup of coffee would cheer anyone.

Checking the school buzz book for her address, I drove to her home to give her the small token, certain that she’d immediately feel better.

Of course, life is, as I’ve said, unpredictable. And it never occurred to me that her husband would be the only one home. Furthermore, I never thought about the fact that she hadn’t had time yet to tell her husband about the accident. And I most definitely hadn’t intended on being the one to inform him that his wife had hit my van.

And yet, there I was on this man’s front porch, holding a gift card in my hand and looking straight at a guy who had no idea why I was there. Of course, I had to tell him the story. And I emphasized over and over the fact that I was there, not because I was angry, but because I felt awful for his wife. And he acted like it was all OK. But that was not at all how I’d planned it in the fairytale version in my head.

A few days have gone by, and I’ve not heard anything from the lady, nor do I expect to. I just hope that she’s OK and that her husband isn’t angry with her. My van is scheduled to get fixed next Tuesday and then life, as I know it, should return back to normal –– at least for a little while.

When things like this happen, though, I find myself continuously wondering, “What in the world is going to happen next?”

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

Don’t Judge a Book By its Designer Cover

As I’ve probably mentioned before, when I’m not writing or being a mom, I work as a pediatrician. In other words, twice a week from 9 to 5, I pretend to be a real person with a day job. The rest of the time, as the sign in my minivan window clearly announces, I’m driving my family around in “Mom’s Taxi”!

Yesterday, when I was at work, a patient’s mother introduced me to her husband, informing me that they were sharing a vehicle while their other car was undergoing major repairs. I sighed, gave her a knowing look and moaned about the new brake job my van had needed recently.

“Yeah, but you’re a doctor. You can afford it,” the mom had replied offhandedly. And I was completely taken aback. Sure, I’m a doctor, a very part-time one. So, regardless of what anyone wants to believe, I’m certainly not wealthy. Far from it. And I definitely felt that $600 car repair back in June.

I suppose people make assumptions about others based on looks and stereotypes. Yet, as I try to teach my children, one should never assume, because you usually end up looking like a fool when you do.

I often laugh when I hear people talk about “rich doctors.” The truth is that the wealthiest people tend to be those in business and financial fields. Maybe years ago physicians were rolling in the money. Yet this is honestly no longer true. I work hard for my money and try to show respect for every dollar I earn, a lesson I hope to pass on to my kids.

As I found myself thinking about my patient’s comment, I began wondering what made her think I had so much money. Could it be the Jimmy Choo sandals I was wearing? You know, the kind that everyone shows off on Sex and the City? Shoes that no one can possibly afford because they sell for hundreds of dollars? Well, mine cost 10 bucks on eBay!

Maybe she was admiring my new Coach purse that I found last year, also on eBay for $20. Or possibly she’d heard that I’d bought my oldest daughter an entire new wardrobe of Abercrombie and Juicy Couture clothing for school. Anyone who sees my child would think she was easily wearing a couple hundred dollars of clothes every day. But I had the last laugh between resale shops and once again eBay as I spent pennies on the dollar for her back-to-school attire.

I’m also really fond of buying my neighbors’ old junk at their garage sales, including a fairly new refrigerator that was dirt cheap and the television that we have in our basement that cost less than the stand we set it on. And I’ll never go on vacation without trying to get a deal on priceline.com where you can name your own price for hotels and airfare. The first time I got a four-star hotel for 50 bucks a night, I was sold on that wonderful Web site.

So, you see, it’s not that I’m rich. It’s that I’m savvy. I have what I have because I work hard and spend as little as possible for the things I desire. I look for sales and bargains, and I shop wisely. And I learned long ago that everything is negotiable. Just a few weeks back I jokingly asked for a “nice person discount” at a bra shop, and the owner gave me half off my purchase.

So, I still feel the pain of my recent car repair just like anyone else would (although I did use a coupon and AAA discount!) And I’m definitely not dripping in money. But I’m good at finding deals, which makes for a very happy family at the end of the day.

Next time you want to have some fun, come join me in “Mom’s Taxi” on my day off and let’s go shopping!

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont

Finding Jenny Piece of the Pie

My daughters each have a couple of friends that they’ve basically known since birth. And, these kids all seem to feel a special connection with each other, as if they realize that having a truly life-long friend is priceless. These are the friends with whom my children never fight or have disagreements. These are the kids to whom my girls turn when something is bothering them. And these are the friends that I believe, will always have the most special part of my daughters’ hearts.

There truly is something incredible about friendships that begin so early in life. Maybe it’s because there’s an innocence in those relationships that is so beautiful or maybe it’s because the people who have known us since childhood are the people who can understand us the most. They know where we’ve come from. They know who we are at the core.

Such was the case of my early childhood friend Jenny. Living only a few houses apart from each other, we played together constantly starting in kindergarten. Between riding bikes around the neighborhood, playing street tennis in front of my house, and dancing to seventies music together in her living room, we spent an awful lot of time together. Jenny and I essentially grew up together during our elementary school years. Then suddenly, in the middle of sixth grade, her family moved to Seattle and I never saw her again.

I thought of Jenny often as the years went by. But life happened and time marched on and suddenly ten years had gone by without Jenny. One weekend in 1989, a decade after I’d last seen my girlfriend, I came home from college for a visit. The night I arrived home, there was a knock on the front door. There before me was Jenny! She was traveling cross country with a friend of hers and decided to stop by and see her old neighborhood. We chatted for about ten minutes on my front porch. And then, as quickly as she’d arrived, she was gone. I’m sure we made promises back then to stay in touch. Yet, once again, life took over and no letters or phone calls ever actually materialized.

Off and on I’d think of Jenny during the years. Sometimes an old song would play on the radio and I’d think about the performances we’d put on all those years ago in front of her sofa. Occasionally, I’d look through old pictures, and there I’d see Jenny in her PJ’s at my house for a sleep over, or at the table eating cake during one of my birthday parties.

Years passed and Jenny became just a distant memory. Then, as the internet became more and more a part of our lives, I found myself trying to find her. Yet, despite frequent searches, I was unsuccessful. Then, last year I got a Facebook account. I decided, once again, to try searching for my friend from years gone by. I looked for her and her brother many times. But, once again, my luck ran dry and I forced myself to accept that my search was totally futile.

Suddenly, yesterday, I got a phone call from my sister. “Jenny just left me a message. She found my phone number since I’m listed, and she’s going to be in town tomorrow. She wants to see you.”

I couldn’t believe it! I’d been trying to hunt Jenny down all this time and now, out of the blue, here she was calling me! Of course, I phoned her immediately and we chatted for a while. Later today, I’m going to meet her for dinner. I’m finally going to see her again, thirty years after she moved away! And this time, I’m not going to lose track of her. Ever.

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by Sharon Dunski Vermont