Right now, I’m at work and it’s my lunch hour. So, I’m sitting at my desk doing what I do best; consuming chocolate. And yet, despite my attempts to cure my woes with junk food, I don’t feel any better.Three days ago, a girl whom I’d gone to school with from kindergarten through our senior year passed away unexpectedly from complications of a chronic illness. She was a wife and mother, a sister and an aunt. She was only 40 years old.
Life just seems so unfair.
After high school, I lost touch with this girl as we went our separate ways in life. Yet, we reconnected briefly a few years ago when she worked at a bank where I had an account. On several occasions, we chatted about our lives and caught up on what each of us was doing. Then, she got sicker and had to quit work. I never saw her again.
Now she’s gone, and I have so many confusing feelings inside. This girl was not a close friend of mine. Still, she touched my life in many ways, and I wish I could have had the chance to see her one last time and say goodbye.
I never will understand the unpredictability of life. And I suppose that, maybe, we aren’t supposed to. There must be a reason why such terrible things happen. There must be some rational explanation for it all.
I just want to know when this will all make sense to me.
Tonight after work, I’m going to stop by the family’s house and pay a condolence call. I’ve done this many times. But usually, it’s been when an elderly person passes away. What am I supposed to say to this family? How can I console them when I, myself, am angry at what’s happened?
As I’ve said and written many times in the past, life is too short so we need to try and live it well. I just wish I didn’t have to be reminded of this fact so often. This is the third friend I’ve lost in the past year. And all of them were only 40 years old. I’m having a rather difficult time believing in the goodness of the world right now. Young people just aren’t supposed to die.
My chocolate is gone, and my lunch hour’s about done. I certainly haven’t solved any of life’s problems just now. Still, I feel better just putting it all down on paper.
My goal for now, simple as it may be, is to find a sign, any sign that things are going to be okay. And I’m not going to give up till I find one.
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