Parenting Problems

My daughter wants a cell phone. And she’s only nine years old.

My other daughter wants a facebook page. She’s barely eleven.

I want someone to tell me what to do. And I feel like I should know. Afterall, I’m forty one. And a half.

I remember as a preteen whining to my parents that they “Just didn’t get it. Being a teenager is so complicated. You really can’t understand what it’s like to be me.”

Funny, I truly believed back then that my mom and dad had never experienced any of the pubescent angst and confusion that I, myself, was going through at the time. Surely they had never worried about important problems such as fitting in, having the right clothes, or catching the eye of that someone special. They were parents, grownups, old people. They couldn’t possibly understand what being a teenager was all about.

And apparently, neither do I. My girls tell me constantly that I have no idea about this or that. I don’t understand what kids their age are going through. And I most certainly can’t understand why it’s so necessary for them to be constantly connected to every other kid their age via phone, internet, facebook, and text message.

I guess I’m just an old fuddy duddy. Maybe I need to start going to the grocery store in my bathrobe and curlers.

On one hand, I want my girls to be accepted, liked, and happy. On the other hand, I want to keep them sheltered, protected, and safe. Thus, giving a cell phone to a daughter who’s age doesn’t even contain two digits, or a facebook page to a child who is truthfully under the required age stated on the web site simply doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Of course, my girls talk often about “So and so’s mom who lets her……….” Yet, I’m not so and so’s mom, now am I?

My job in life is to keep my girls happy and safe. And sometimes keeping them happy could actually put them in harm’s way. Which is why I have to stick with the age old motto of “Safety first.” I keep telling my girls that I will let them have more technology and more freedom when I think they’re ready. (Or when they’re a hundred years old, whichever comes first!) And, at this point, I need to stick to my guns and keep them sheltered when possible. Sure, there are parents who say “I can’t stop my kids from doing things, so I just tell them it’s okay.”

Well, I’m here to say that as parents, we can ALWAYS try and stop our kids from doing things that we don’t consider to be appropriate. We need to be firm and consistent, and stay true to our beliefs and our values. If we don’t, then how can we expect our kids to grow up properly?

For now, there’s no third grade cell phone or middle school facebook page at my house. I’ll let my children have access to these things when I believe it to be safe or necessary. Sure, there are times when I feel bad about not giving in and not giving my children everything. So, I keep reminding myself that it’s because of my refusal to give in that my girls really are happy and safe. I’m a parent. And a good one.

Hopefully, someday, my girls will come to realize that...

by Sharon Dunski Vermont